I’m on Day 2 of the Dr. Junger Clean program. It’s a month long detox and cleansing diet program. The gist is, no dairy, wheat, caffeine, alcohol, sugar and any other good stuff. This first week is just the “Elimination Week” where we eliminate all those toxic foods. Next week the real fun begins – breakfast and dinner are liquid, and not the fun beer or wine kind. Fresh squeezed juices and smoothies with exciting ingredients like kale and blueberries. A normal meal of certain kinds of lean protein (no beef) and fruits and salad for lunch. A mandatory twelve hour gap between dinner and breakfast. It’s enough to make someone go Charlie Sheen on their family members.

The main impetus behind this cleanse is my husband. He had some kind of come-to-Jesus moment, but in his own Jewish health nut kind of way. He was reading his sacred text (Men’s Health) and was swept away by the writer’s proselytizing experience with Clean. He had to buy the book read more about toxicity and intestinal flora. The doctor/author promises immunity from cancer, depression, constipation, and every other ailment. Apparently, our skin will glow so brightly that you’ll be able to read by us in the dark. We’ll be able to withstand earthquakes and conservative talk show hosts. I think it gives you the power of flight and invisibility as well; come to think of it, we may actually become Charlie Sheen after the cleanse, with tiger blood and Adonis DNA. (This may be an exaggeration; I got bored reading the book so I skipped some parts.)

So far, Day 2 is not so bad. I gave up the evil Diet Coke a couple of weeks ago. (I do this about twice a year, and then fall off the wagon and get pulled back into it’s artificial brain-killing fold). Today I had a smoothie with coconut milk, berries and avocado for breakfast. (Yes, sounds weird but good.) Not missing the caffeine yet, though my poor husband can’t say the same. It was fun watching him attempt to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the kids’ lunch without benefit of coffee. It took about 20 minutes as he just stared at the bread for a while before moving slowly to the fridge to figure out what the next ingredient was. I can already see what will be my temptation. SUGAR. And bread. And maybe the dairy. I have this holy vision in my head of an English muffin, slathered with butter and drizzled with honey. Mmmm….

By next week, I’m pretty sure I’ll be willing to sell one of the kids for one.

I’ll try to keep the blog updated as my journey to intestinal and spiritual health continues.


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